Be a Marine, or eat like an overweight recruit trying to be a Marine

Let me explain. There is a diet at the bottom of this post. The ultimate diet for fast weight loss. Recommended by UAB for recruits trying to get into the Marines.

Do I want to be a Marine, you ask?

Yes - just to witness the smorgasbord board of those hot muscular bodies. Isn't this reason enough? I don't even care if they let me touch.

Yes - to travel the world. WITHOUT my kids.

Yes - to have my wardrobe decided on by my superior officer. No more choices unless its the weekend and that may be limited to lounge wear.

But the Marines would never let me in for a multitude of reasons:

I have never been good at conforming or following rules. Don't tell me what to do! I'll let you know what I'm willing to do. And just for shits and giggles, I'll let you know when.

I'm too old, regardless of the physical shape I'm in, when they have to blow the cobwebs off me for morning roll call, we're both gonna be pissed. Which leads to #3 . . .

Holding my tongue and passing audible phrases through a tact filter. I have reached an age where I feel the need to be completely honest. My friends are aware of this, sometimes brutally aware. It still takes my kids by surprise, too. I can only imagine the conversation at 5:30am wake-up "you rip that blanket off me again and I'll shove it so far up your ass it will come out of your nose, hows that for multi-tasking, MF? Two ass wipes in one." Or something clever and witty like that.

So back to the diet

I have used this diet before and it works. I mean it really works for those times when you just need to drop a dress size or two really quick for an event. Or if you get tired of thinking of yourself as "Short and Squatty, all Ass and no Body. Or if you just want to fantasize about hanging with the Marines on a weekend looking all hot and dragging a blanket around!

Three day diet from the cardiac unit of UAB Hospital of Birmingham

Day 1 Breakfast - Black coffee or tea

½ grapefruit

1 slice toast

1 tablespoon peanut butter

Lunch - ½ cup of tuna

1 slice toast or cheese

Black coffee or tea

Dinner - 2 slices any meat (approx 3 oz.)

1 cup string beans

1 cup beets or carrots

1 small apple

1 cup vanilla ice cream

Day 2 Breakfast - Black coffee or tea

1 boiled egg

1 slice toast

½ banana

Lunch - 1 cup cottage cheese or ½ cup of tuna

3 saltine crackers

Dinner - 2 hotdogs

1 cup broccoli or cabbage

½ cup carrots or turnips

1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

Day 3 Breakfast - Black coffee or tea

3 saltine crackers

1 slice cheddar cheese (2 oz.)

1 small apple

Lunch - 1 hard-boiled egg

1 slice toast or cheese

Black coffee or tea

Dinner - 1 cup tuna

1 cup cauliflower or greens

1 cup beets or carrots

1 cup cantaloupe

½ cup vanilla ice cream

This diet works as a chemical breakdown and is proven to work. Do not vary or substitute any of these foods. Salt and pepper may be used but no other seasonings. This diet is to be used 3 days at a time. After 3 days you may eat your usual foods, but don’t overdo it. After 4 days, start back on the 3 day diet. You can lose 10 pounds in 7 days and up to 30 pounds in a month. Only drink water between meals.

I made it through week one, and if I can make it five months, I'll weigh less than my Chihuahua. I'll keep you posted on the weight loss plan as it develops. This week was 8.5 but I cheated and drank some Chardonnay.

Cheers!