Sometimes all you need is a good joke to chuckle about. I hit this one today and it cracked my ass up! Just in time, too. I needed an attitude adjustment!
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a huge dick like that."
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Last week was Bonus Week for me. What made it special?
It wasn't a day off for the elusive three day weekend.
None of my kids got a full ride scholarship.
I didn't win the lottery.
The LPGA was in town for the Navistar Classic, and as part of the sponsorship, the company I work for has a Inside the Ropes contest. Their charity this year is Wounded Warriors.
I picked the winner Friday. A true God-wink happened. The woman who won asked if it was okay to let her husband and daughter have the prize of walking with the LPGA ladies around the course on the final day. You see, her husband was wounded in Iraq in 2003. Choked me up and made my heart swell. (yes, even my stone cold heart can melt a little)
On Sunday, I saw my winners on ESPN walking with golfer Jennifer Johnson. Loved it! Jennifer is pretty special too. Here is her video on Wounded Warriors.
There is irony here or luck - From more than 100 hometown folks around Prattville Alabama, our winner was a wounded warrior, one of my favorite heros in our country. Not the high dollar athlete or superstar movie icon, but a military man who was willing to give his life for our freedom.
It wasn't a day off for the elusive three day weekend.
None of my kids got a full ride scholarship.
I didn't win the lottery.
The LPGA was in town for the Navistar Classic, and as part of the sponsorship, the company I work for has a Inside the Ropes contest. Their charity this year is Wounded Warriors.
I picked the winner Friday. A true God-wink happened. The woman who won asked if it was okay to let her husband and daughter have the prize of walking with the LPGA ladies around the course on the final day. You see, her husband was wounded in Iraq in 2003. Choked me up and made my heart swell. (yes, even my stone cold heart can melt a little)
On Sunday, I saw my winners on ESPN walking with golfer Jennifer Johnson. Loved it! Jennifer is pretty special too. Here is her video on Wounded Warriors.
There is irony here or luck - From more than 100 hometown folks around Prattville Alabama, our winner was a wounded warrior, one of my favorite heros in our country. Not the high dollar athlete or superstar movie icon, but a military man who was willing to give his life for our freedom.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Suspicious Mini-van Moms Found Loitering
I'm social. You can't tell by the huge numbers of followers I have for this blog or the other two. But I swear on all that is Holy, I am.
I've always liked rummaging around at yard sales, poking my nose into other peoples crap. You never know what might be lovingly displayed on a chunk of plywood and sawhorses on any given Saturday.
But, times, they are a changing.
Lately I've been "Facebook shopping" garage sale items. A friend started a online yard sale group. Several friends are moderators on it. This monster took off. In 24 hours there were 500+ members. And in the past four weeks, we split the group to a kids & baby group with 959 members and regular yard sale group with 1469 members.
Pretty handy for researching items online too! For instance - someone selling a laptop for $1,000. That's right, a cool grand for a laptop on a Facebook yard sale group. I know, WTF? Made it real easy to pull up the brand/model on a few different sites and determine the laptop seller bumped her head hard. I mean, throw in $150 more and you get newer, bigger and warranty!
So, I will now garage sale whenever I feel like it. And selling is easy, too. Just post a pic, price, details and contact info. Then find a meeting place to "make the drop." I say that with humor as I'm sure local authorities are wondering why women all over the area are suddenly loitering in parking lots and exchanging a bag of some sort of substance for cash.
So if you like yard sales and living on the edge, find a yard sale group, make a purchase and go find a parking lot to hang out in.
I've always liked rummaging around at yard sales, poking my nose into other peoples crap. You never know what might be lovingly displayed on a chunk of plywood and sawhorses on any given Saturday.
But, times, they are a changing.
Lately I've been "Facebook shopping" garage sale items. A friend started a online yard sale group. Several friends are moderators on it. This monster took off. In 24 hours there were 500+ members. And in the past four weeks, we split the group to a kids & baby group with 959 members and regular yard sale group with 1469 members.
Pretty handy for researching items online too! For instance - someone selling a laptop for $1,000. That's right, a cool grand for a laptop on a Facebook yard sale group. I know, WTF? Made it real easy to pull up the brand/model on a few different sites and determine the laptop seller bumped her head hard. I mean, throw in $150 more and you get newer, bigger and warranty!
So, I will now garage sale whenever I feel like it. And selling is easy, too. Just post a pic, price, details and contact info. Then find a meeting place to "make the drop." I say that with humor as I'm sure local authorities are wondering why women all over the area are suddenly loitering in parking lots and exchanging a bag of some sort of substance for cash.
So if you like yard sales and living on the edge, find a yard sale group, make a purchase and go find a parking lot to hang out in.
Friday, September 9, 2011
A Shit Storm About Death
So after that last "oh so cruel" post regarding the letter and the death of my sperm doner, there came a shit storm. A storm so strong, and ridiculous all due to death.
Ever notice how death brings out the worst in some people? It can tear a whole God fearing family apart. It starts with the deathwatch, when you notice a sibling eyeing everything in the house. Then subtle hints of "what will we do with this diamond necklace?" or "I've always loved that chair.
Then with the final breath of your loved one, the caring and nuturing sweet people who have stood by your side in tears turn into freaks off a Jerry Springer episode. There is screaming and acquisations, bitter attitudes and a sense of greed. Possessions start to disappear from the deceased persons house. Important papers mysteriously vanish. And so much suspicion!
Some say there is no good that comes from a death. When my mom passed, there was no fighting. In fact, my dad is still having a hard time getting us to take anything, and she died 10 years ago. We grew closer as a family then we ever have been.
The irony to this - my dear mother who did her best to cause strife between us while she was living, brought us together inspite of all her actions for so many years of her life.
Love your family and your friends. Don't linger overly much on material possessions.
Ever notice how death brings out the worst in some people? It can tear a whole God fearing family apart. It starts with the deathwatch, when you notice a sibling eyeing everything in the house. Then subtle hints of "what will we do with this diamond necklace?" or "I've always loved that chair.
Then with the final breath of your loved one, the caring and nuturing sweet people who have stood by your side in tears turn into freaks off a Jerry Springer episode. There is screaming and acquisations, bitter attitudes and a sense of greed. Possessions start to disappear from the deceased persons house. Important papers mysteriously vanish. And so much suspicion!
Some say there is no good that comes from a death. When my mom passed, there was no fighting. In fact, my dad is still having a hard time getting us to take anything, and she died 10 years ago. We grew closer as a family then we ever have been.
The irony to this - my dear mother who did her best to cause strife between us while she was living, brought us together inspite of all her actions for so many years of her life.
Love your family and your friends. Don't linger overly much on material possessions.
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